What Keeps Me on Track

It's been a while since I last wrote random thoughts here. I haven't told you what's going on with me in the past year. And hey, what's up? In that one year, I experienced happiness, sadness, anger, excitement, and hope that led me to became a deep person. Deep in the sense of I did what I love. I'm a college student and dealing with many activities is hard to handle. Here are some ways how I handled all of the busy stuff:

• Honestly Do What You Love

I love all the things that makes me happy. I love travelling, I love going out with my friends, I love serving the Lord in our community and I love being with my family. We like all stuff that make us happy, right? Pondering about this idea, a lot of memories came swarming in. I think it's the message I have always been reminded of. 

If you do what you love you will be happy. If you not take things seriously even the smallest detail of it, you'll regret the things that you didn't do. 

If you do what you love you will be an inspiration to others. For them, seeing that you're happy with what you're doing boost them in doing what they love. 

Doing what you love will make you feel better. It's like eating your favorite food and savoring every bit of it.

• Learn How to Say No

"NO" is a big word which most of us is having hard time to utter. Priorities are the reasons that we should learn how to say No. It's my birthday and I decided to celebrate it in our community (YFC) which I will give a talk but the night before it, my dad called and told me that they are mad at me because they felt that I don't like to celebrate my birthday  with them. That night I packed my things and went home.

That decision was really bad, but good to know there's such things as "change". Aha! Know your priorities, learn how to say NO.

• Selfless Love

No one can not be happy if you give selfless love. You know deep down in yourself the true essence of love and how to embrace it. You need to be strong and intensely fight being weak to give selfless love.

• Wait!

"I'm not gonna worry

I know that You've got me

Right inside the palm of your hand

Each and every moment

What's good and what get's broken

Happens just the way you plan"

This is a line from a song "Steady by my Heart" by Kari Jobe. Waiting means waiting for the right time to come. And waiting also means to pray.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. -Matthew 11:28-30

Promise

When I was a young, I learned a very important lesson. I learned that things are different.

I learned that the rules are rewritten, the expectations redirected. I learned that there are good things and bad things that come with being a man; I learned that there are good and bad things that come with being a woman.

I learned that women are braver than what men, society and global community often give them credit for. I learned that my body is viewed through different lenses by different people.

I learned that I'm expected to apologize, even when you're not wrong, and you learn that sometimes I'm just to be seen and not heard.

I learned that life is not always fair and that it is less important to be smart and driven and talented and more important to be pretty and ditzy and to smile wide fresh white teeth and glossy, gooey lips.

I learned that it is not the color of my hair that matters, but the vibrancy of my intellect. It's not the bust size that matters, but my brain power.

I learned that yes, these child-bearing hips will one day make great babies and that I have a power no man will ever understand or steal. I have the power to make another human life.

When I learn that the doctrines the society sits so comfortably upon are wrong, I will feel empowered, invigorated, righted beyond belief. I'll feel alive and strong and hungry.

I will...

I will feel taller and faster and brave. I will feel womanly and feminine and vulnerable.

And so I start making promises. Promises to carry myself through the highs and the lows, the summers and the winters, the good and the bads. I make promises not to apologize, not to be silenced, not to be withered into submission just because I'm a woman.

I promise, instead, to fight back, fight harder, to laugh louder and longer into its seat whenever it dares to stand against me. 

I make promises to be more accepting, more appreciative. I make promises not to make the same mistakes again, but to at least make them once -  so at some point, I'll know better than to make them again.

I make promises because I deserve to be hopeful.

I deserve to be optimistic. I deserve to be everything that I want. I deserve to be happy, to be full, to be fed and loved and clothed and sad and scared and excited and terrified.

So the girls who don't yet know that there are differences in this world - to the ones who are learning, slowly, that there are certain paths we're told not to walk, to the ones who are too scared to fight back against the walls keeping them form the greener grass on the other side: Don't hold back, don't feel confined to the box you're currently standing in; don;t feel limited to the rules people tell you to follow; don't feel like you're not worth more. 

You are. You are ambition, you are power, you are sugar and rain and strong coffee.

You are determination, you are beautiful, you are ice when the world needs cooling and heat when the winds roll in.

You are honey and cinnamon. You are poise and you are praise. You are the makers of promises, the dreamers of dreams.

You are very reason to hope.

wistful

"Say good bye, to the pain of the past, we don't have to feel it anymore" - Anna (Frozen, 2013)

This isn't my typical "Happy Thursday " night. I've been through a lot of these but this is something I just don't  want to forget and something I cannot explain.

People told me how stupid I am a year ago. But who cares?

I never thought that I can love this very real and very tight like no other guy made me go crazy like this. He's lucky enough that someone spends a night just thinking what to write in this blog telling good stuffs about him, thinking of him before going to sleep wishing he had a great day, aren't he? But you know what. This guy I fell in love with is the guy who once became my world but not anymore.

Well it's weird that I'm just blogging this right now. I know that I'm moved on but I want you to know that the feelings I had for you was so unpredictable and inevitable. You taught me what a true love means. You really taught me what true love means. I'm repeating.. you really taught me how, why, where and what true love means. If only I could erase all our memories together, I would. But love is something you cannot choose, it is something that happens.

but if i'm going to forget and throw everything away then that wouldn't be love. It would be just a disposable feeling that you easily throw away. And that's not how i define love. - Ted Mosby

 You cannot say that I did not love you loyally. I may have done wrong but I've proved that I was so insane loving you even tho i know that you already turned your back just like that.

Don't worry, I've learned a lot kahit hindi halata and I just proved that I can really love seriously.Well ex nigga, I enjoyed those adventures I had when I was still with you.

Well the true purpose of this blog is just to greet you.

Remember the picture above? You told me this: "akin ka lang. ikaw yung ilaw na yan"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUCK!

I'm really happy of your achievements now. I'm really happy. :) Always stay focus.