What Keeps Me on Track

It's been a while since I last wrote random thoughts here. I haven't told you what's going on with me in the past year. And hey, what's up? In that one year, I experienced happiness, sadness, anger, excitement, and hope that led me to became a deep person. Deep in the sense of I did what I love. I'm a college student and dealing with many activities is hard to handle. Here are some ways how I handled all of the busy stuff:

• Honestly Do What You Love

I love all the things that makes me happy. I love travelling, I love going out with my friends, I love serving the Lord in our community and I love being with my family. We like all stuff that make us happy, right? Pondering about this idea, a lot of memories came swarming in. I think it's the message I have always been reminded of. 

If you do what you love you will be happy. If you not take things seriously even the smallest detail of it, you'll regret the things that you didn't do. 

If you do what you love you will be an inspiration to others. For them, seeing that you're happy with what you're doing boost them in doing what they love. 

Doing what you love will make you feel better. It's like eating your favorite food and savoring every bit of it.

• Learn How to Say No

"NO" is a big word which most of us is having hard time to utter. Priorities are the reasons that we should learn how to say No. It's my birthday and I decided to celebrate it in our community (YFC) which I will give a talk but the night before it, my dad called and told me that they are mad at me because they felt that I don't like to celebrate my birthday  with them. That night I packed my things and went home.

That decision was really bad, but good to know there's such things as "change". Aha! Know your priorities, learn how to say NO.

• Selfless Love

No one can not be happy if you give selfless love. You know deep down in yourself the true essence of love and how to embrace it. You need to be strong and intensely fight being weak to give selfless love.

• Wait!

"I'm not gonna worry

I know that You've got me

Right inside the palm of your hand

Each and every moment

What's good and what get's broken

Happens just the way you plan"

This is a line from a song "Steady by my Heart" by Kari Jobe. Waiting means waiting for the right time to come. And waiting also means to pray.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. -Matthew 11:28-30

Promise

When I was a young, I learned a very important lesson. I learned that things are different.

I learned that the rules are rewritten, the expectations redirected. I learned that there are good things and bad things that come with being a man; I learned that there are good and bad things that come with being a woman.

I learned that women are braver than what men, society and global community often give them credit for. I learned that my body is viewed through different lenses by different people.

I learned that I'm expected to apologize, even when you're not wrong, and you learn that sometimes I'm just to be seen and not heard.

I learned that life is not always fair and that it is less important to be smart and driven and talented and more important to be pretty and ditzy and to smile wide fresh white teeth and glossy, gooey lips.

I learned that it is not the color of my hair that matters, but the vibrancy of my intellect. It's not the bust size that matters, but my brain power.

I learned that yes, these child-bearing hips will one day make great babies and that I have a power no man will ever understand or steal. I have the power to make another human life.

When I learn that the doctrines the society sits so comfortably upon are wrong, I will feel empowered, invigorated, righted beyond belief. I'll feel alive and strong and hungry.

I will...

I will feel taller and faster and brave. I will feel womanly and feminine and vulnerable.

And so I start making promises. Promises to carry myself through the highs and the lows, the summers and the winters, the good and the bads. I make promises not to apologize, not to be silenced, not to be withered into submission just because I'm a woman.

I promise, instead, to fight back, fight harder, to laugh louder and longer into its seat whenever it dares to stand against me. 

I make promises to be more accepting, more appreciative. I make promises not to make the same mistakes again, but to at least make them once -  so at some point, I'll know better than to make them again.

I make promises because I deserve to be hopeful.

I deserve to be optimistic. I deserve to be everything that I want. I deserve to be happy, to be full, to be fed and loved and clothed and sad and scared and excited and terrified.

So the girls who don't yet know that there are differences in this world - to the ones who are learning, slowly, that there are certain paths we're told not to walk, to the ones who are too scared to fight back against the walls keeping them form the greener grass on the other side: Don't hold back, don't feel confined to the box you're currently standing in; don;t feel limited to the rules people tell you to follow; don't feel like you're not worth more. 

You are. You are ambition, you are power, you are sugar and rain and strong coffee.

You are determination, you are beautiful, you are ice when the world needs cooling and heat when the winds roll in.

You are honey and cinnamon. You are poise and you are praise. You are the makers of promises, the dreamers of dreams.

You are very reason to hope.

wistful

"Say good bye, to the pain of the past, we don't have to feel it anymore" - Anna (Frozen, 2013)

This isn't my typical "Happy Thursday " night. I've been through a lot of these but this is something I just don't  want to forget and something I cannot explain.

People told me how stupid I am a year ago. But who cares?

I never thought that I can love this very real and very tight like no other guy made me go crazy like this. He's lucky enough that someone spends a night just thinking what to write in this blog telling good stuffs about him, thinking of him before going to sleep wishing he had a great day, aren't he? But you know what. This guy I fell in love with is the guy who once became my world but not anymore.

Well it's weird that I'm just blogging this right now. I know that I'm moved on but I want you to know that the feelings I had for you was so unpredictable and inevitable. You taught me what a true love means. You really taught me what true love means. I'm repeating.. you really taught me how, why, where and what true love means. If only I could erase all our memories together, I would. But love is something you cannot choose, it is something that happens.

but if i'm going to forget and throw everything away then that wouldn't be love. It would be just a disposable feeling that you easily throw away. And that's not how i define love. - Ted Mosby

 You cannot say that I did not love you loyally. I may have done wrong but I've proved that I was so insane loving you even tho i know that you already turned your back just like that.

Don't worry, I've learned a lot kahit hindi halata and I just proved that I can really love seriously.Well ex nigga, I enjoyed those adventures I had when I was still with you.

Well the true purpose of this blog is just to greet you.

Remember the picture above? You told me this: "akin ka lang. ikaw yung ilaw na yan"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUCK!

I'm really happy of your achievements now. I'm really happy. :) Always stay focus. 

Is this really true?

The people who know me well would be the first to tell you that I can be pretty cynical. I can generate a list of all the people and things I dislike in five seconds flat. And trust me, it will be a long, detailed list. But when it comes to love, I turn into a giant mush. I can’t form coherent sentences. I become an emotional wreck who sobs — at an iPhone commercial (yes, that happened).

Love is the most freeing experience there is. I don’t care if you’ve climbed a mountain or bungee-jumped off of the Manhattan Bridge — these experiences are nothing compared to being in love. Opening up emotionally reveals a side of you that you might have never known existed, be it positive or negative. Some days I feel like I can conquer the world because I’m so happy, and other days I feel like I could wage war against the girl who dared to try and socialize with my boyfriend. Most days it’s a nice, sane balance between the two.


But as grand and amazing as love is, I cannot write about it and how it truly makes me feel. I’ve read countless articles and essays on being in love that are so beautiful they make me shed a tear (I told you, I’m a mush when it comes to love). And yet, when I try and convey that feeling in my own words, I completely blank. I stare at my computer, struggling to find synonyms for “happy” and “great.” I’ve finally come to the conclusion that there are no words to describe the true depth and power of love, or at least not the love I feel. No flowery adjectives can expressive that moment when you look into someone’s eyes and feel real love. Yeah, it’s pretty freakin’ great, but I don’t think “great” does it justice. Britney Spears got it right with the line, “when your eyes say it, that’s when I know that it’s true.” Words don’t mean much when it comes to love.

Love is usually described with a slew of cliché and gushy metaphors, like “love is the first day of spring” or “love is sunshine after a cloudy day.” What about all the times being in love makes you feel terrible? What about when you’re fighting with your significant other and you feel like you truly, deeply hate him? Or you feel so worn out and confused that you don’t even want to get out of bed? Not to say that love isn’t also all of the wonderful things, but it is much more complex than most people make it out to be.

The best moments of my relationship are usually indescribable. Of course I love the date nights, the dinners, the nights we stay in and watch movies, the days that we laughed until our stomaches hurt. These things all make me feel really, really [insert synonym for happy]. But if someone asked me to describe exactly what was going on in my head during one of those moments, I wouldn’t know what to say. Maybe I can’t describe it because this is true, perfect love… or maybe I’m just being a mush again.

My Queen B

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” 

-Hellen Keller

To this girl I'm with in the picture, I just want you to put in my little space in the internet since you're my sister, girlfriend, joke time friend, corny friend, stupid friend, mentor, and mother (dahil mas tinalo mo pa yung nanay ko sa pag sermon sakin). 

Okay. Yun lang. Bye! Naahh, just kidding!

Being friends is about sharing our lives with others. There are some aspects of our lives that require that we spend a lot of time together or a lot of writing to help convey our feelings. Other times sharing only a few words are more than adequate. It is not always the long conversation that conveys the deepest feelings. Sometimes, longer modes of expression may seem redundant and lacking in profundity. Putting just the right combination of words on paper in a succinct style may just hit the spot.

Our friendship came out very unexpectedly seeing that our age gap is 4 years. I'm 17 and you're 21. We do not even call each other as bestfriend because we got our own. Then poof!! You became coco crunch! I don't know when we really started hanging out but then I felt that we will be good friends for a long time. You're the meanest person I've ever met! How could I not be annoyed whenever I see you. Or whenever I vent in to you in terms of being heart broken again and again, you say "You're stupid!" Hahaha! But I love that! Even though that's the way you treat me sometimes, you're still the funniest, most caring, understanding, best adviser, and best sister I could ever have! 

I can tell you every single detail about my life yet you don't judge me. I never heard you saying "Wala ka na bang ibang ik kwento?" cos you never get tired of me. You taught me how to stand and be strong. 

We've been buddies since 2012 and became sister later on. It's what we've been waiting for, isn't it? For you, having litte sister and for me, someone I will call "ate". *heart heart*  Hindi ka ba kinikilig? :D Keeping in touch once or twice a week (I think) proves me that people can be friends even though they don't talk or see each other as always. You protect, comfort, and advice me in my blue days. Apparently, I always encounter heartaches and dramas so you're like a wonderwoman to rescue me. And well you know, I can be your wingman... always. You never get tired of my same dilemmas in life.

Sometimes I'm terrified that one day this friendship might end just like any other friendship I counted in. I'm not perfect friend but at least I know how to be true. And you may count on me like 1.. 2.. 3.. :)

Sarah Jane! Swear please we can't be FO! NEVER.

And we'll never be royals

It don't run in our blood,

That kind of luxe just ain't for us.

We crave a different kind of buzz

Let you be my ruler

I can call you my Queen Bee

Love you forevs! :*

Happy New Year!

Hola! It's been a while since I posted my last blog. So here it is.. It's the 1st of 365 days. Happy 2014 to ya'll. Before I'll go to sleep and shut down this computer I remembered that I waited for 1 month for this day. So I decided to blog my reflections all about the year 2013. But before that,  lemme share to you the Bible Reflection I just read.

LIKE A GIANT PUZZLE

Do you know how big the largest jigsaw puzzle in the world is? It has 24,000 pieces! And you can buy it for 20,000. But you have to pay me for 20,000 to do this puzzle, which I think I'll be able to finish in 300 years. Here's my message: Your past is like a giant jigsaw puzzle- and God is putting the pieces together to make a beautiful picture of your future. But your special Jigsaw puzzle has billions of pieces. And each event in your past is like one piece of the puzzle.

Each piece makes no sense. On its own, it means nothing. It only means something if you put them together. Once you put them together, you say, "Aha!"

There are some pieces that are so dark, you'd wonder, "What use is this particular dark piece?" But each dark piece has a purpose. Without those dark pieces, the puzzle won't be complete.

As God worked in Mary's life, so does He work in ours. Let us allow Him to shape us in a particular way through the circumstances that happen to us. The past year may not have been perfect, but it is  perfect for God's purpose.

-Bo Sanchez

Yes, indeed. The past year may not have been perfect, but it is perfect for God's purpose.

Last night, as 2014 is getting near.. down to only 30 minutes left I go nostalgic again.. and again. Strange feeling that I had. Every memory of 2013 started to come back. All the laughs and tears straight from my heart I felt it all at once. I'm still affected and it hurts me. But I had to keep in mind that another year is about to start and I couldn't always be haunted by the ghosts of 2013.

5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1

Happy New Year!
People started to blow their horns and yell, and fireworks began to blow. It was a magical feeling. I've always wanted to see a sky full of lighters. Words can't express how happy I was at that moment. Not because everyone are partying nor because I saw a sky full of magic. But because I'm happy that I've already let go the heartaches.

Adios 2013! You've been very good to me. Cocked, locked and ready to rock! (Lol. Just a cliche tagline) It confuse myself a lot of times, but still I came out strong. Uncovering the devil out of the angel. It was really tough. I've met new people, tried new things, lost old friends, full service to the Lord. Some were expected and some were not. I didn't regret everything that I have done and given. Although most of the time I was taken for granted.

Even though the sun sets in paradise, there are still good things that remained.

Foolishness, heartbreaks, get away, stupidity.. thank you! I'm so grateful that you happened in my life. I knew your purpose! I'm such a strong girl now.

2013 is not just a walk in the park. Hell yeah! It was an adventure!

So.. ready or not here I am to embrace 2014. 

Happy New Year, guys! :)

Under Construction

Dahil feeling ko masyado nang baduy ang layout na ginagamit ko, sinusubukan ko ngayon eto ayusin. Wait lang dahil di ko mabalik ung mga dati kong widgets. Walangya.

EDIT: Mahirap pala magdesign ng blog. ppffftt.... Pero ayan gamit ang kakaunti kong kaalaman sa pag eedit ng pictures, meron na kaunting kinalabasan.. hindi ko nga lang alam kung maganda.

Napabayaan na

"Minsan talaga ang hirap sumabay sa agos ng buhay eh.." Yan yung mga katagang nakakawalang gana pakinggan, eh. Kung alam mo sa sarili mo na nahihirapan ka na sa buhay mo. Pakatatag lang, dude! Wag mo na sasabayan ng negative doings ang iyong negative thoughts. It will lead you to negative results.

Ang sarap siguro sa pakiramdam nung nakukuha mo lahat ng gusto mo, yung nagagawa mo lahat ng gusto mong gawin sa buhay, yung natatanggap mo lahat ng alam mong desrve sayo at yung either mag expect ka o di ka mag expect ang positive lang lahat ng lumalabas na resulta.

Pero di naman lahat yan makukuha mo sa isang kisap mata, eh. Kelangan din maghirap at magtiwala sa Kanya at sa sarili mo. Hindi naman  ako yung taong sobrang positive, eh. Katunayan nga ang dami ko na ding napagdaanan about sa pagsuko sa buhay pero yun yung mga naglead sakin para marealize lahat ng mga ka-shit-an ko ngayon. Haha. Sobrang dami kong flaws. Inshort, imperfect ako. Eh wala naman talagang perfect na tao, eh. Aba.. bathala ka kung ganun ka.

Minsan kasi sobrang wrong timing lang talaga ang mga pagkakataon sa buhay natin. Minsan nagkakasabay sabay yung mga problema natin. Dagsa dagsaan silang dumadating and only we can do is to keep holding on. Di natin alam kung anong gagawin natin. Madalas pa nga eh sasarilihin lang natin 'to, tinatago lang natin, ayaw nating ipa alam sa iba kung ano yung mga pinagdadaanan natin. May advantage and disadavantage din yung mga ganto, eh. Advantage ang di pagsabi ng problema sa mga taong alam mong makakaintindi sayo kasi maiiwasan ang depression, ayaw nilang nanatili kang malungkot so they'll keep you happy until you can forget the reasons why you're sad, another is the more na open ka sa iba, mas mababawasan yung problema mo and it will give you such relief. Disadvantage naman kase maiisip mo na pag nagshare ka ng problema sa iba makakadagdag lang din to sa bigatin nila kasi lahat naman ng tao may problema, eh. Another is maaring ij'judge ka nila or di kaya ay maari nilang ishare to sa iba, kumbaga di sila makakpagtiwalaan. Hay. Anggulo no? Eh ganyan talaga, eh. Magulo naman talaga ang buhay. May ups and down, di naman kelangan na lagi lang na nasa ups tayo. Syempre dun tayo sa may thrill! Sa may adventure ang buhay. =)))))))) Dibuuh?

Minsan kung di natin kayang tadyakan yung mga problema natin papalayo. Tuhurin na lang natin.. Mag pray tayo. :) Humingi tayo ng guidance Saknya. Di naman Niya tayo papabayaan. Mahal na mahal Niya kaya tayo. Kaya nga Niya sinalba yung buong sanlibutan sa mga kasalanan diba.

Pero yung totoo? San ba talaga ko mag e end up sa mga pinagsasabi ko dito? Actually, these past few months. Naguguluhan na talaga ko sa buhay ko. Di ko alam kung san ako tutungo. Kahit napapakita ko na masaya ako sa maraming tao pero pag nag iisa na lang ako wala akong magawa. Di ko alam kung pano ko iha handle lahat ng 'to. Gusto ko lang talagang lumayo. Kasi di ko na talaga kaya pa.

Ako'y isang nawawalang nilalang.

Getting tired?

Napapago ka na ba? Napapagod ka na ba sa mga gawaing lagi na lang pare pareho lang ang resulta? Ako kasi.. Oo.

Nakakapagod din pala no.. nakakapagod yung mga efforts na napupurnada lang. Yung mga efforts na napupunta sa wala. Yung mga sitwasyong ganto na alam mo naman yung kalalabasan pero mas naghahangad ka pa ng mas magandang epekto. Pero dahil nga walang kwenta to sa iba, syempre walang makaka appreciate nito. Ilang beses na din ako gumawa ng way para sa mga pagkakataong maari pang isalba ang mga nangyayari. Ilang beses na.. paulit ulit na.. pero wala ngang nangyayari. Sus, nung nagpaulan si God ng appreciation sa buhay, bilib ako dun sa mga taong lumabas ng bahay nila para makasalo nito. May nakakasalamuha din naman akong mga tao na isa dito. Yun yung mga taong hindi mo inaasahan na makakakita nga nito. Pero asa pa ko sa mga taong hindi nakakaappreciate diba? Uulit ulitin ko ba kung naaprreciate nila nung una? Hindi diba. Kagaya nga sa blog ko dati (kung nabasa mo man) insensitive sila. Insensitive sila sa mga nararamdaman. In short, ala silang pakeelam.

Pero sabe nga nila, eh. Kung mahalaga talaga sayo yung tao hindi ka magbibilang ng efforts. Magpapakatanga ka lang para maiparamdam mo saknya na mahala siya. Eh kase yun naman talaga yung dapat eh. Hindi ka hihingi ng kapalit kung willing ka talaga na mapadama sakanya. (ano say ng mapadama 'te? haha) Mag wa pakels ka na lang kung di niya maappreciate no.

Pero kung shunga ka lang talaga yung mga reasoning sa taas no. Di na uso now adays yung mga martyr. Lahat ng martyr binabaril na sa luneta ng nakaharap. Kung tanga ka at nagpapakatanga pa din.. Aba, matinde ka. Hands down ako sayo.

Eh bat ka nagddrama jan? Eh wala naman talaga mapupuntahan yang pinagsasabe mo jan, eh. Ganto naman kasi talaga pag ang tanging nalalabasan mo eh yung blogsite na ito. Ang tanging pinagbubuhusan mo eh yung keyboard mo. Eh bat nga ba ako nagsusulat dito?

Hayy. The right thing in a wrong time is still the wrong thing. May mga pagkakataon talagang nasa sobrang komportable at pagka saya natin sa ibang bagay ay di natin alam na mali na pala ito. Minsan nga mas pinipili pa natin yung mali para sa sarili nating kaligayahan. Pero yung saya na yun ay temporary lang. Parang sinabe mo lang na 'who says that I cant buy happiness? I can buy chocolates so I can buy my happiness' luuuul! Ako nga kaya kong bumili ng Pocket pizza at Jap. foods, eh. Eh yun yung hapiness ko eh. Pero pag naubos na. Di na happy. Oh diba? Kaya ko din naman lagi pumunta sa gig ng kazee, udub, PNE at chcsi eh. Pero pag pauwi na ko. Waley na. Gets mo to pick up! :D

Sigurado ka bang magiging permanent yang happiness na yan kung kaen ka lang ng kaen ng chocolate? Permanent ba yan? Maybe it takes a lifetime para mahanap natin yung permanent happiness natin. Ang kailangan lang natin ay contentment sa buhay.

Now or never lang naman yan eh. It's your choice!

Alipin

Ano na? Ano na nangyayari sa buhay ng isang may tililing na katulad ko? Nakakapagod din pala tumunganga kahit papano no. Yung tipong pag wala kang ginagawa, nakatunganga ka lang at kung ano ano na ang mga sasagi sa isip mo. Mas maganda din pala maging hyper para laging masaya. Kasi naman.. ganun naman talaga. Dapat lagi tayong masaya. Eh pano pag puro lungkot na lang yang dadalin mo sa mga balikat mo at ipagsisiksikan mo jan sa uatk mo? Anong saysay niyan sa buhay mo bilang isang tao dito sa mundong ibabaw? (yess. ansabeeeh? Haha) Wala. Para ka lang umutot sa isang napakasikip na Kwarto na puro kaibigan mo ang kasama mo at walang nakaamoy. Eh ano ba kaseng balak ko talaga patunayan dito sa mga pinagsasabe ko dito? Wala. May namimiss lang kasi ako, eh. Kahit kakakita lang namin kagabi, sobrang miss ko na naman agad siya. At nakakabaliw na yun.



Hi Tonta, Stupida, Timawa, Indio, Tanga, Shunga, Timang. Hi Ate Sarah (Yes, may ate? :D),

Ano? Gusto lang kitang alalahanin, eh. Bakit ba? Papalag ka pa? Haha. Alam ko naman kasing hindi mo to makikita, eh. Di mo nga alam na may blog ako, eh. Ang shunga mo kasi, eh. Haha. Ayun, Halos 4 months pa lang ata tayo magkakilala pero parang 6 years na tayong magkakilala at magkaibigan. Sorry ha? Lagi kasi kitang chinacharot. Eh alam mo naman yung bonding natin pag magkasama tayo, eh. Sakitan kung sakitan eh. Ayaaan, sa sobrang pagkabaliw mo pag kasama kita wala akong ginawa kundi tumawa. Tumawa ng tumawa hanggang sumakit yung pisngi ko.


Sarah "blahblah" Villiarias Fernandez. Thank you ha? Kase pinagkatiwala mo sakin yung isa mo pang 1st name. Hahaha. Alam ko kasing hindi mo talaga pinagsasabe yun at isa sa ko sa mga pinagsabihan mo. Woooow! Haha. I'm so grateful kasi nakilala kita at naging ka charutan kita. Eh? Pangmayaman? Haha. Para kong nagkaron ng isang ate (ang matagal ko nang hinahangad). Ayun, eh. Ikaw nag paramdam sakin nun. Sinabe ko naman sayo dati diba? Taktee, ikaw yung naging inspiration ko. Kahit sobrang nakakadiring sabihin. Hahaha. LoLjk, Ehh sinabi ko din naman sayo, eh. Mahal kita. :))



Thank you. Thank you sa mga times na ginawa ko nang bahay ko yung bahay niyo lalo na nung bakasyon. Haha. Thank you sa mga inspiring words mo, lalo na pag seryosong usapan na. Thank you sa pagd`drama mo. Remember? Yung letter. I told yaaaa, may special place siya eh. Papakita ko sayo minsan. Haha.

Sorry. Sorry kase sa mga jokes kong corny. Haha. Sorry din if minsan di na nakakatuwa yung biruan natin. =))))) Sorry din sa mga times na pag inaaya mo ko, di ako pwede. Pero isang beses lang naman  yun eh? Sorry na oy! Patawarin mo na ko o jusko. Napakasaki-i-i-it kuya eddie.. ang sinapit ng aking buhay. Haha. Ayy? Chos. Basta.. sorry dun ha? :) Smile!

Ayun.. Lately kase masyado na tayong mga busy. Kaya hindi na tayo nagkakausap. Madame na ulit akong gustong ikwento sayo stupida. Haha. Parang kagabi lang.. hinuhuli mo ko dun about dun sa......... :) Basta.. secret lang muna haaa? Ayuun.

I love you dear. Ingat ka lagi.. tanga ka pa naman. :) Keep the fire burning! Alam ko namang kaya mong i-handle lahat ng mga problema mo sa buhay mo, eh. Lagi lang naman kasi tayo nakakapit sa kamay Niya diba? :) Godbless.


Nagmamahal, chuchu. :))

Fear of Rejection :3

Oh eto mabalik tayo sa ka emohan at makabagbag damdaming usapan. Masyado ata ako natuwa sa buhay ko nakalimutan ko na bawal nga pala ako sumaya. Chos.

Alam mo ba ang feeling na parang ginagawa mo na ang lahat pero kulang pa rin? Yung tipong kulang na lang e sungkitin mo ng literal ang mga bituin sa langit? Di ba parang sampal sa mukha na para bang napaka useless ng effort mo?

Ganun siguro talaga pag wala kang boses sa puso nya. Kahit anong sigaw at tawag ay hindi nya maririnig ang mga sinasabi mo. Kahit ilang beses mo nang nag rereach out, ilang beses kang kumakayod para sa isang tao, hindi nya marerealize yun. Kasi nga sarado ang utak nya sa yo. Wala syang ibang maririnig at makikita kundi ang sarili nya ang mga hinaing nya sa buhay. Kaya ayun. Mananatili kang invisible man.

Sabi nila ang mga lalake daw e gusto lang na pinakikinggan sila. E bakit ba minsan itry ko lang nq pakinggan sya e minasama pa at bakit daw ako walang imik. Para daw akong walang pakialam sa kanya. Duh??!!?! Napakamot ulo na lang ako. Mga lalake talaga.

Nakakalungkot lang kasi isipin na gusto mo lang naman sya pasiyahin. Gusto mo lang na maalis yung sakit na nararadaman nya. Ggawin ang lahat-magadvice, tumulong at makinig lang. Pero isa lang ang resulta; isang masamang tao ang tingin nya sa yo. Ang pangit pa dito may mga linya pang "pare pareho kayo. Hindi nyo ko maintidihan!" kung makahambing naman e wagas. Hindi nya malalaman na nakakasakit na pala sya kasi nga, again, sarado ang puso nya sa yo. Ang mahalaga sa kanya ang problema nya lang. Period.

Pero in fairness naman naiintindihan ko mga ganitong tao. Mga may saltik sa utak na konting problema lang e akala mo ay pinagsakluban na ng langit at lupa. Mahirap din naman sila tlaga kalamayin ang loob kasi, again and again, sarado ang puso nila. Sabihin mo nga lang na "ok lng yan" e magagalit na sila sa yo at sasabhing insensitive ka.  pag nabadtrip naman sila sa dun sa nag emo, magagalit na naman at sasabhing walang nakakaintindi sa kanila. Diba?

Para sabihin ko sa mga emo jan na tao, hindi lang kayo ang may problema. Hindi lang kayo ang bumagsak sa isang subject. Hindi lang kayo ang nauubusan o nawawalan ng pera. Hindi lang kayo ang namatayan. Hindi lang kayo ang sinumpang magpapasan ng lahat ng problema. Mas ok nga sana kung ganun pero hindi. Hindi rason na hindi mo mabago ang pagiging negative mo. Yung iba nga e kaya bakit ikaw hindi? E parepareho lang naman ang kinakain natin. Ok lang naman kasi ang malungkot pag narereject pero hanggang kelan mo ba dadamdamin ang problema? Till the end of time? Everlasting? Habang may buhay? Forevermore? Magpakailanman?

Pero syempre dahil hindi importante ang mga iniisip at sinasabi ko, wala na namang makikinig sa kin. Sabi nga nila it's easier said than done kaya alam ko namang mahirap maging positive sa buhay. Pero ang mag emo sa isang bagay ng mas matagal pa sa 3 araw? Hindi pa ba naubos ang luha mo sa isang araw? Kaya sana kayong mga may mga problema.. Bahala kayo!

I-suspend na yaaaan!

Tag ulan. Baha. Traffic. Basang medyas. Basang damit... Pantalon... PAYONG :D....

Nakakainis ang tag ulan pag nasa maynila ka. Nagmimistulang waterworld ang kamaynilaan tuwing uulan ng malakas. Pero kung sa dagat e mga isda makikita mo, dito kakaiba. Mga patay na daga, ipis, basura at minsan may makikita ka pang diaper na bagong tapon. Nice diba?

Ang pinaka masaya kapag bumabagyo e yung pauwi ka na galing trabaho, school o kung saan man kayo pumunta. Isang malaking adventure ang dadaanan mo sigurado. Para ka lang si dora na may mapa ng mga obstacle na dadaanan. Kelangan magaling ka sa mga detour kasi siguradong wala kang diretsong madadaanan. Bakit kasi nagbabaha pa e. Buti sana kung nakapaa lang tayo kaso pano mga nakasapatos? Bawat tapak mo e may tubig na mapipiga. Hassle di ba?

Nakakainis din ang mga sasakyan pag tag ulan. Hindi ka na makasakay dahil sa dami ng tao, dadaan pa ng walang modong driver ang baha at syempre, paliliguan ka ng tubig kanal. Ayos diba?

Ang pinaka nakikinabang lang naman sa bagyo e yung mga gumagawa ng tulay o kahit anong sasakyan para makatawid ang mga tao. Kung araw araw bumabagyo sigurado mga milyonaryo tong mga to.

At amp. Ang trapik. Jusko haha. Nakakadalawang pelikula na ang bus e di pa ko nakakauwi. Nkakapanibago tuloy at hindi ka emohan ang nakasulat dito. Parang hindi tuloy ako. Eto epekto ng walang pasok eh. Nakakapagsulat ng kaunting reklamo habang nagiintay ng suspension ng klase.

Sorrow

Ano kaya ang nararamdaman ng mga artista kapag may eksena sila kung saan kailangang ilagay ang mga letrato nila sa ibabaw ng kabaong?

Madalas ko 'tong maisip kapag hindi ako makatulog sa gabi, which is lagi. Iniisip ko kung ano nga bang mangyayari kung sakaling hindi na ako magising kinabukasan. Paano kaya malalaman ng mga kaibigan ko na dedbol na nga ko? Eh ng mga internet friends ko? Will they even give a shit kung malaman nga nila o sasabihan lang nila ko ng 'noonecares' pagkatapos ay ipagpapatuloy ang kung anumang shit na ginagawa nila sa mga precious life nila.

Matutuwa siguro ako kung magiging kaluluwa ako't makikita ko ang lahat ng mahal ko sa buhay na magkakasama sa isang pagtitipon. Nagpupusoy, nagkakape, pumapapak ng kornik at kendi, naggigitara, at kumakanta habang humihigop ng maligamgam na sopas na walang sahog. Korni siguro kapag may umiyak. Mumultuhin ko pureber kung sino man 'yung iyakin na 'yun. Ang magandang part dun ay 'yung magsasabihan na ng mga awezomeneszs ko nung nabubuhay pa ko.

Ay, 'yang si estee' napakabait niyan, eh.
Sobrang masunurin sa maguang at hindi tamad
Yang si estee, napakaganda niyan eh
Kumakaen yan ng buhay ng tipaklong, eh

'Yung mga ganun shits ba. Kasi kadalasan namang napupuri at nabibigyan ng medal ang isang tao kung kelan tapos na siyang embalsamuhin. SOP na siguro 'yung ganung shits.

Galit ka ba sa mundo? Pareho tayo. Pareho nating nais na tumakas sa ‘di patas na paghusga at walang kwentang mga daluyong.

Gusto mo rin bang bumalik sa pagkabata? Pareho tayo. Gusto ko ring bumalik sa mundong ang pinakamabigat na problema ay ang bagong laruan ko.

Gusto mo bang tumakbo? Tara, tumakbo tayo. Tumakbo tayo ng mabilis hanggang mapagpag ang mga mantsa sa mga damit natin.

At alam kong hindi na magnyayari yun. Kaya sa burol ko gusto ko ito yung ilagay niyong litrato:

Nawala man ako, masaya pa din ako sa piling ng panginoon. Gusto mo ba sumama?

Life Changing

Hi Blogspot! Long time no post ha. I miss you, a Lot. <3 I still care for you. I still want you. I still Love you. =))))))) Hahaha. Charot lang. :D Sa sobrang busy ko this may, naalala pa din kita. Be thankful. Haha.


This past few weeks, super busy ko. As in, super busy ako makipagbonding sa mga ka YFC ko. 3 years ago, nagcamp ako sa progressive and after nun halos kalahating taon lang ako nagactive then nawala na din. Then last month lang, nagactive na ulit ako. And masasabi ko na malaki rin yung nabago sa buhay ko.


Friendship and Prayer Life


Iba. Iba talaga ang nadudulot nito. Ish`share ko lang sainyo kung pano nagbago buhay ko dito.


1st. Friendship. Kung dati nangungulila ako sa mga kaibigan.. ngayon. Hindee na. May Iangs at Caramelas na, may YFC pa. As in halos araw araw kami nagkikita dahil araw araw din namin nam`miss yung isa't isa. Araw araw kami nakikipagbonding at nakikipagkulitan kay God. Sila yung mapagsasabihan mo ng problema at kung hinde "dasal lang natin yan sister" ay "everything is possible with God" ang isa`sagot.


Sakanila ko nalaman kung pano magpasalamat sa lahat lahat kay God at sakanila ko natutunan na ang lahat ng bagay ay binigay ng diyos dahil may dahilan.


2nd is My Prayer Life. Kung dati tuwing bago lang ako matulog nagd`dasal.. ngayon, tuwing bago kumaen, bago matulog, pagkagising, pag may lakad at segu segundo.


Naalala ko nung isang linggo, nastress nanaman ako. Nawalan nanaman ako ng pandinig at nagblurred nanaman yung paningin ko [walang nakakaalam nito. nanay ko lang :)] Kala ko nanaman mahihimatay nanaman ako. Umupo lang ako.. at nagdasal. And after ng mga 3 mins. naging maayos na ulit ako. And dahil dun super thankful lang ako kay God na may pinapaalala lang siya sakin sa mga ganung sitwasyon. Another is yung semplang ko, buti na lang talaga hindi malala yun at hanggang dun lang. Haaayyy. Praise God. :)

YFC

Eto nga pala yung pinanghahawakan ko na bible verse:

"Look at the birds in the sky. They do not sow or reap, they gather nothing in barns; yet your heavenly father feeds them. are you not important than they?"

-Mt. 6:26

Ano ang English ng baka? Edi Bakasyon :))

Despite of my busy schedule (weh?), we were still able to find time to celebrate my birthday. Five days of having fun is enough. And being with my family and friends is satisfying. And yes, it's satisfying, and I realized that english doesn’t suit me. Hello grammar nazis! 

Hahaha! Mainit ang singaw ng araw ngayon kaya siguradong nakakatamad na tumambay sa labas. Wala rin naman ‘yung iba kong mga kaibigan sa pagtambay kaya mabuti pang dito na lang siguro ako sa loob ng bahay at tatanga buong maghapon. 

Pero teka` sa pagkakaalam ko ay magku`kuwento nga ko sa mga nangyari sakin sa limang araw na yun. Bumalahaw ang katamaran ko.. naman talaga.

Nagpunta kame ng Zirkoh Tomas Morato nung 24 ng Gabi. At dahil nga birthday ko nun, obligado akong manglibre. Haha. Pero biro lang. Ako mismo nangaya sakanila. 

Naligaw pa kame nung gabing yun dahil nagiba na pala ang pwesto ng zirkoh.. nawalan na kame ng pagasa at napagpasyahan na sa klownz na lang. Ngunit habang nasa daan ay nakita ang zirkoh. Yeeey! Kay kalbo na si waly pa din pala ang bagsak namin.

Syempre ang nagpasaya ng gabi namin na kalbo. :D

At kundi dahil sakanila wala kame dun. =))))) I love you Mommy and Daddy. :**

3:30 am na din kame nakauwi nun at derecho bagsak sa kama. Di pa nga namen alam kung pano kame hahatiin. kung 3 sa kama ko at 3 sa latag sa sahig, para equal diba. Pero napagpasyahan na 4 sa kama ko at 2 kame ni judea sa sahig. Hahaha! 10 30 na din kame nagising nun. Kulang pa yung oras na yun sa tulog namen at lahat bangenge pa. Halos isang araw din wala ang mga kaibigan ko sa bahay nila. At super thankful ako sakanila dahil hindi sila naging kj. Alas tres na din kame umalis ng bahay namin dahil nagka yayaan sa OLEP. =)))))))) At dun.. nagfoodtrip.

Huwebes ng madaling araw ay umalis kame ng pamilya ko. Syempre, family bonding naman. Nagpunta kame eL puerto. =))))))) Konting pictures lang yung maish`share ko dahil sa kabobohan ko na nawala lahat ng pictures ko sa phone ko at yung sa cam lang yung natira. :|

Lahat naman nag-uumpisa sa isa. Hanggang masundan nang masundan. Magugulat ka na lang, sira na pala ‘yung pundasyon. 

Oo, tatapangan ko. Kapag umabot sa tatlo ang bato, ako na mismo ang sisira sa haligi at hindi ako magsisisi kahit na makita kong sumampal ang mukha ko sa lupa.

Kahit na alam kong ako lang naman ang malalaglag at masasaktan.

Eh ano, eh?

Hello Blogspot!


Ang tagal na din kitang hinde nabubuhusan ng mga kung ano anong kabaklaan, ah. Namiss din kitang pagbuhusan ng mga kadramahan. 

Nagsasawa na ‘ko sa kababawan. Umay na umay na ‘ko sa mga hilaw na katamisan, sa mga komedyang nakakatawa lang dahil sa kaplastikan. Nakakarindi na ang mga reklamo. Nakakasuka na ang mga landi. Gusto ko ng bago.

Gusto ko ng kalaliman. Nagugutom ako sa matatalinong opinyon, sa matatalas na katha at mga pulidong salita. Nais kong lakbayin ang mga daang komplikado. Nais kong umunlad. Bored na bored na ko dito sa pamamahay ko! Gusto ko ng pumasooooooooook! Hahaha.

May napanood akong korean drama dati kung saan naliligo 'yung bidang lalake sa gitna ng lamig ng hating-gabi. Ginagawa niya 'yun para mawala 'yung lungkot na nararamdaman niya. Geez, nasabi ko sa sarili ko. Hindi ko kaya 'yung ganung trip. Siguradong pulmunya ang abot ko kinabukasan. Nawala nga ang lungkot ko, mawawalan din naman ako ng buhay. Teka, nakakamatay ba ang pulmunya?

Gagawin ko sana. Pero..

Tae, isang buhos pa lang, halos masuka ako sa lamig.

Speaking of dramas, siguro naman eh nakapanood ka na ng mga pelikulang ganito ang skema:

Nagkaron ng conflict itong magsyotang bida, at 'di rin nagtagal eh nauwi rin sa hiwalayan. Tapos may makikilalang lalake itong si bidang babae. Sabihin na nating itong si new guy eh 'yung tipo ng lalakeng hahabul-habulin ng mga chikas. Oo, parang perfect boyfriend na siya kumbaga. To cut the story short, babalik din itong si babae dun ke bidang lalake. Bakit kamo? Kasi bida 'yun eh. Kahit anong mangyari, kapwa bida dapat ang magkakatuluyan. Kahit na gaano kaperpekto itong si new guy, hindi parin siya bida. Kadalasang nangyayari 'yan sa mga pinoy movies. Halimbawa eh 'yung Mulawin. LOL.

Ahmm, teka, ano nga bang gusto kong iparating dito. Wala naman. Gusto ko lang sabihin na sa paulit-ulit na nangyayari, siguro eh malapit na kong masanay na hanggang 2nd place na lang.

I'm the great 2nd placer.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kahit ilang ulit akong magsunog ng pakialam sa tao eh paulit-ulit din akong mistulang nagiging basurero na pumupulot ng basura sa pag-aakalang makakatulong pa ito sa akin.

Pare-pareho kayo.

Nakakalungkot lang isipin na pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari ay parang naging hangin na lang ako na walang mukha, kaya di mo makilala. Isa sa pinakamasakit na pakiramdam ay yung tratuhin akong isang estranghero. Pero kahit anong paghihimutok ko, sa huli ay ako rin naman ang magiging talo. Dahil di ako napapagod na umasa.

Siguro eh nangalay na lang ako. Nakakangalay naman kasi ‘yung iwanan kang nakabitin lang sa ere. Kaya siguro naramdaman kong kailangan ko nang gumawa nang paraan para makababa mula sa pagkakabiting ‘yun.

Katulad nga ng sinasabi nila, sayonara. :)

Me mai-post lang. =)))))

Chupssssss

Di ko alam kung pano ko uumpisahan to. Di ko alam kung bakit dumating sa ganito. Di ko alam kung bakit kelangan sabihin lahat ng lahat ng to.

Ikaw. Pag kasama kita lagi akong masaya. Kahit na sa panahon ako ng depression.. nakikita pa lang kita, natatawa na ko. Iba ka, eh. Ikaw yung lagi kong nasasabihan ng mga problema ko, ikaw yung laging nasasapak ko pag gusto ko ng masasapak at ikaw yung laging namumura ko pero walang pakeelam. Ikaw yung naging confidante ko.

Pero di ko alam kung bakit di nila maintindihan yun. Lalo na yung mga kaibigan mo. Tropa ka eh. Kaya nga gusto kita makasama, eh. Yung ugali mo.. swak na swak. Kahit madalas ka nagba`barbero pero di ko magawang magalit kase napapatawa mo pa din ako.

Iba talaga, chups. Yung ugali mo lang naman. Pero bakit kailangan mong magpaalam? Bakit kailangan mong lumayo? Dahil sa mga sulsol ng mga kaibigan mo? Iyakin ka talaga eh noh. :))

Kahapon.. sa sobrang stress ko kaya ikaw yung nilapitan ko. Umiiyak ako.. Pero nung nakita kita sa 711, ayan natatawa na ko. Ikaw yung nilapitan ko kahapon kase alam kong ikaw lang yung makakaintindi sakin.. kase ang kailangan ko lang naman, eh yung makikinig sakin.

Uminom tayo ng shake at kumaen ng baka na di alam ang luto kahapon. Salamat dun! Pero bigla mo na lang akong hinatak.. hinatak talaga ah. As in. Yung mapupunit na yung damit ko at mapuputol na yung braso ko at saka mo ko pinasakay sa trycicle dahil gusto mong magkaayos kame.

Ngayong di kame nagkaayos.. bat pati ikaw? Ba't pati ikaw kelangang gumulo din yung pakikisama sakin? Sinabe mo na lalayuan mo na ko. Iba kase yung tingin sayo ng mga kaibigan mo. Tinutulungan mo na ko pero ako hindi pa din nage`effort. 

Chups, salamat sa lahat. Hindi hindi kita makakalimutan kahit kinakalimutan mo na ko. Kung date na isang text ko lang sayo na pumunta ka ng bahay.. sunduin mo ko at punta tayo sa ihaw ihaw, mukang hindi na at mangyayare ngayon yun.

Naging parte ka na ng buhay ko. At walang makakapagpabago nun.

His purpose.

My LIFE purpose?

Live in the present

compassion,

love, truth.

Actually my first name says it all 


Would you like to sail the unknown seas with me?


I believe the greatest gift in life is not to know, the future is not real yet, fear of it makes it worse, or trying to avoid the future.


My purpose is to be limitless to allow myself to discover what I can do myself and what I can do with others.


Sometimes your purpose follows you around for your life until one day when you decide to turn and embrace it.


You can also find your purpose in the good habits you do everyday of your life.


After I knew my situation now I should only have to do is to thank God. I should live to the fullest. And one thing is for sure, We exist for God's purpose. Just Pray. :))